“Mankeeping” Is Ruining Dating: Why Emotional Labor Shouldn’t Fall on Women Alone

In today’s world of dating, something’s shifting, and not necessarily for the better. Many women are feeling emotionally exhausted, not because they don’t want love or connection, but because they’ve been quietly doing most of the emotional work in their relationships. This reality is now being captured by a new term: “mankeeping.”

The term was introduced by Angelica Puzio Ferrara, a Stanford researcher who studies gender and social dynamics. It recently gained public attention through a powerful piece by Alice Lassman for HuffPost, titled: “Mankeeping Is Ruining Dating For Women Who Are Tired Of Relationship Burnout: ‘I’m Not Your Therapist’”.

What Is “Mankeeping”?

“Mankeeping” refers to the often invisible, unpaid emotional labor that many women take on in romantic relationships. This includes:

1. Being the one who plans social events
2. Checking in on a partner’s emotional state
3. Reminding them to book doctor appointments or call their family
4. Acting as a therapist or emotional sounding board
5. Translating or soothing their moods

While these roles might seem “natural” or even caring, they can easily turn into a one-sided emotional burden, especially when a male partner lacks other support systems or emotional awareness.

The Bigger Picture: Dating Burnout and Gender Imbalance

Lassman highlights how these dynamics are contributing to what some are calling a modern dating crisis. Her article points to a growing imbalance:

1. 61% of single men in the U.S. say they’re actively looking to date, compared to only 38% of single women.
2. Many women report that they’re stepping away from dating altogether due to emotional exhaustion.
3. For some, it’s not about being single, it’s about not wanting to carry the weight of someone else’s unprocessed emotions.

This points to a much deeper issue: not just about dating, but about how men and women are socialized differently. Women are often taught to care for others and manage emotional dynamics. Men, on the other hand, are often discouraged from developing emotional literacy or seeking support from friends.

The Loss of Male Friendships

Ferrara’s research ties into another trend that’s been quietly unfolding for years: men’s declining friendships.

As men grow older, many lose their close emotional bonds with other men. They may stop opening up, be less likely to seek help, and rely heavily, sometimes entirely, on their romantic partner for emotional support. This dynamic creates a heavy imbalance in relationships, especially when that partner is also managing her own mental and emotional load.

This isn’t just about men being “bad partners”, it’s about a culture that has failed to teach men how to care for themselves emotionally.

So What Can We Do About It?

It starts with naming the issue, and “mankeeping” gives us a way to talk about the silent burnout many women are experiencing in their relationships.

Here’s what men can do to start shifting the pattern:

1. Build emotional support networks. This means turning to friends, therapists, or peer groups instead of relying only on a partner.
2. Do the emotional work. Ask yourself: Am I expecting my partner to manage my emotions for me?
3. Take initiative in the relationship. Planning, listening, checking in, these things shouldn’t only go one way.
4. Get comfortable with emotional vulnerability. You don’t need to “tough it out” alone. Real strength is found in honest self-awareness.

And for women: knowing it’s okay to step back, to say “no” to doing the emotional work for both people, and to expect, not just hope for, emotional reciprocity.

In the end, this isn’t about blaming men, it’s about understanding why so many people are struggling to connect in healthy, mutual ways. By acknowledging the weight of mankeeping, we can move toward relationships built on shared care, mutual support, and true emotional partnership.

Read the Original Research and Article

This article is based on:

1. The HuffPost article by Alice Lassman: “Mankeeping is ruining dating for women who are tired of relationship burnout: ‘I’m not your therapist’”
2. Research and insights from Angelica Puzio Ferrara, Stanford University