I Was Sexually Abused as a Man. How Do I Begin to Heal?

Some truths are hard to say out loud. Even harder when you’re a man in a world that often tells you not to feel, not to speak, and definitely not to break.

If you’re reading this and wondering if what happened to you counts as abuse, or if you’ve known for a long time but never told anyone, you’re not alone. Many male survivors of sexual trauma carry that truth in silence for years. Sometimes decades.

And it’s not because it didn’t matter. It’s because they were afraid no one would believe them. Afraid they’d be blamed, shamed, or seen as less of a man. But your pain is real. And healing is possible.

First: Yes, It Counts

One of the most painful realities for male survivors is the doubt. Doubt about whether it was “bad enough.” Whether it was abuse if it happened with someone they knew, or if they didn’t fight back, or if their body responded.

Abuse is not defined by how your body reacted. It is defined by a lack of consent. If you were too young to understand, if you were manipulated, pressured, threatened, or unable to say no, that was abuse. And it was not your fault.

Why Silence Hurts So Much

Many men bury what happened because they think not talking about it will make it go away. But silence doesn’t erase trauma. It stores it deep inside the body and mind, where it can show up later as:

1. Shame, guilt, or confusion about sex or identity
2. Difficulty with trust and relationships
3. Depression, anxiety, or chronic anger
4. Disconnection from your own body or emotions

Holding it alone doesn’t protect you. It isolates you. Healing starts by breaking that silence.

What Healing Can Look Like

There’s no one path to healing, and you get to go at your own pace. But here are some steps that many men have found helpful:

1. Say it to yourself. Naming what happened can be a powerful first step. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just honest.
2. Talk to someone safe. This could be a therapist, a support group, or someone you deeply trust. You don’t have to tell everything all at once.
3. Learn about trauma. Understanding how trauma affects the brain and body can help you feel less “broken” and more understood.
4. Reconnect with your body. Activities like walking, stretching, or mindful breathing can gently help you come back to yourself.

You Are Not Alone

The shame you feel doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to the person who hurt you.

There are thousands of men, from all backgrounds, all walks of life, who carry stories like yours. And more are speaking up every day. Not because it’s easy, but because silence became too heavy to carry.

You are allowed to take your healing seriously. You are allowed to grieve, to rage, to question, and to reclaim your voice.

You are allowed to begin.