20 unhelpful myths around the sexual assault of men

Trigger Warning: The following post discusses sensitive content related to sexual violence. Please be advised that it may evoke emotional or distressing responses for some readers. Take care of yourself and seek support if needed.

Victims of sexual violence who identify as male often face unique challenges due to prevailing myths and misconceptions. These misconceptions stem from stereotypes surrounding masculinity, societal biases, and deeply-rooted cultural beliefs and attitudes. For example, the belief

1. that men can't be victimized,
2. that if they are a ‘real man‘ they should be able to fight off any attacker,
3. and that men can’t be forced into sex - either they want it or they don’t.

These mistaken beliefs allow lots of men to feel safe and invulnerable, and to think of sexual assault as something that only happens to women. Unfortunately, these beliefs can also increase the pain that is felt by a male survivor, and leave him feeling isolated, ashamed and “less of a man”. This makes it difficult for men and boys who are victims to acknowledge their abuse, even to themselves, and doubly difficult for them to tell anyone else.

By debunking these myths, we can create a more supportive environment for male survivors and promote a comprehensive understanding of sexual violence.

Note: ‘Men’ includes all people who identify as male at the time of the assault or abuse.

Here are 20 key myths and the corresponding facts that challenge them.

1. Myth: Men can't be raped or sexually assaulted because they are always physically capable of defending themselves.

1. Fact: Sexual violence can happen to anyone, regardless of their gender or physical strength. Physical strength does not make someone immune to sexual violence.
2. Perpetrators can use coercion, manipulation, or other forms of power to exert control over their victims and force male victims into unwanted sexual acts.
3. Men who were sexually assaulted as children are particularly vulnerable to “freezing-up” during a sexual assault and not defending themselves because they are overwhelmed by memories of earlier sexual exploitations.
4. It's important to recognize this reality and support male survivors.

2. Myth: Male victims of sexual violence should have been able to prevent the assault.

1. Fact: Sexual violence is about power and control, not the victim's ability to physically defend themselves.
2. Expecting men to always prevent sexual assault places an unfair burden on male survivors and ignores the dynamics of power and coercion present in these situations. Let's shift the focus to supporting survivors rather than blaming them.

3. Myth: Men always want sex and can't be forced or coerced into unwanted sexual acts.

1. Fact: Sexual violence is about power and control, not sexual desire. Men, like women, can be coerced or forced into sexual acts against their will. It's crucial to understand the distinction and challenge this myth to provide appropriate support to all survivors.

4. Myth: Men who are sexually assaulted by women should feel lucky or enjoy it.

1. Fact: Sexual assault is a traumatic experience regardless of the gender of the perpetrator.
2. While the majority of sexual assaults are committed by males, it is crucial to acknowledge that females can also be perpetrators. Research shows that female perpetrators exist, and their acts can cause significant harm. However, the prevalence of female perpetrators may be underestimated due to social biases and underreporting.
3. It is vital to validate the experiences of male survivors and reject notions that downplay or invalidate their trauma. All survivors deserve support and understanding.

5. Myth: Male victims of sexual violence must have enjoyed or wanted the experience.

1. Fact: Sexual violence is never consensual, regardless of the victim's gender. Victims of sexual violence, including men, often experience a range of emotions such as fear, shame, confusion, and trauma. It is important to validate their experiences and support their healing process.

6. Myth: Men cannot experience long-term psychological effects from sexual violence.

1. Fact: Sexual violence can have severe and long-lasting psychological effects on male survivors. These effects may include post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, substance abuse, relationship difficulties, and suicidal thoughts. It is critical to provide appropriate support and mental health resources to male survivors.

7. Myth: Male victims of sexual violence are responsible for their assault due to their behavior or appearance.

1. Fact: No victim is responsible for the violence inflicted upon them. Victim-blaming and shifting the responsibility onto the survivor perpetuates harmful myths and hinders their ability to seek support and justice. Let's create a culture that supports survivors instead of placing blame on them.

8. Myth: Physiological responses (erection, orgasm) during a sexual assault indicate consent or enjoyment.

1. Fact: A person's physiological response does not reflect their willingness, desire, or provocation for sexual assault. The body's physiological reactions are independent of the victim's consent or choice.
2. Physiological responses are involuntary and can occur due to physical stimulation, even in non-consensual or traumatic situations. Consent must always be explicit and ongoing.
3. Sexual assault is an act of power and control, and no physiological response can justify or excuse the perpetrator's actions. Consent must always be explicit and ongoing.

9. Myth: Victims of sexual violence are likely to become perpetrators themselves.

1. Fact: The majority of survivors of sexual violence do not go on to become perpetrators. It is imperative to recognize that experiencing sexual violence does not inherently lead to the perpetration of violence. This myth can stigmatize survivors and create a false association between victimization and future criminal behavior.

10. Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men.

1. Fact: Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality - that sexual assault is about violence, anger and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.
2. Misconceptions that sexual violence is only committed by people of a certain gender or sexual orientation are dangerous, as they allow perpetrators who do not fit these stereotypes to commit crimes with impunity.

11. Myth: Homophobic or transphobic sexual violence is justified because of the victim's sexual orientation or gender identity.

1. Fact: Violence or abuse based on sexual orientation or gender identity is never justified. Everyone has the right to live free from violence and discrimination, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Sexual violence is a crime.

12. Myth: Male victims of sexual violence are rare or statistically insignificant.

1. Fact: While underreporting makes it challenging to determine the exact prevalence, research indicates that a significant number of men experience sexual violence.
2. At least 1 in 6 men have had unwanted sexual experiences.
3. The stigma, societal expectations, and myths surrounding male victimization contribute to underreporting. Let's acknowledge the reality and provide support to all survivors.

13. Myth: Seeking support for male victims of sexual violence is weak or unmanly.

1. Fact: Seeking support is a sign of strength and resilience. Male survivors of sexual violence deserve access to appropriate resources, counseling, and support networks to heal from their trauma. Let's break the stigma and encourage survivors to seek the help they need.

14. Myth: Lack of physical injury means the assault did not occur or was not traumatic.

1. Fact: Not all forms of sexual violence result in visible physical injuries. Psychological and emotional trauma can be significant and have long-lasting effects on male survivors. Trauma responses can vary from person to person and may not always manifest as physical injuries.

15. Myth: Sexual violence against male sex workers is not a serious crime because of the nature of their work.

1. Fact: Engaging in sex work does not justify or excuse sexual violence. Sex workers have the same rights as any other individuals to be free from violence and exploitation.
2. Perpetrators of sexual violence should be held accountable, regardless of the occupation of the victim.

16. Myth: Consent is implied for sexual acts in clubs where sex-on-premises occurs.

1. Fact: Consent is essential in all sexual encounters, including in settings where sex-on-premises occurs. Engaging in sexual activities within these settings does not negate the need for clear and ongoing consent. Unwanted sexual acts are still considered sexual violence, regardless of the environment.

17. Myth: Sex workers and men who frequent clubs where sex-on-premises occurs are "asking for it" or inviting sexual violence.

1. Fact: No one ever asks or invites sexual violence. Blaming victims based on their profession or lifestyle perpetuates harmful victim-blaming attitudes.
2. All individuals have the right to engage in consensual sexual activities and work without fear of violence.
3. Reporting can help hold perpetrators accountable and prevent further victimization.

18. Myth: Male rape happens only in prison.

1. Fact: Although it is true that male rape is a feature of prison culture, it is a mistake to assume that male rapes are limited to prisons. Although we lack reliable statistics showing the various contexts in which males are sexually assaulted by other males, we know that men of all ages can be the victims of sexual violence in any setting.
2. The truth is that men have been sexually violated in schools, camps, workplaces, bars, parks etc. This common belief (that male sexual assault happens only in prisons) can help keep the sexual assault of men secret.

19. Myth: Experiencing sexual violence means the victim is gay or will become gay.

1. Fact: Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with your current or future sexual orientation. The notion that sexual violence can determine or alter a person's sexual orientation is unfounded and perpetuates harmful stereotypes.
2. Sexual violence is an act of power and control, not an indicator of someone's sexual orientation. Same-sex sexual violence is not a consensual act between gay men. Sexual violence is never consensual, though it may or may not involve someone who is gay.

20. Myth: If someone doesn't say 'no,' it means they have given consent.

1. Fact: The absence of a "no" does not mean “yes”. Consent is an active, ongoing, and enthusiastic agreement to engage in a specific sexual activity. True consent requires clear, voluntary, and informed communication from all adult parties involved. It should be given freely without coercion or pressure, and is reversible. This means you can change your mind.
2. True consent is never assumed, coerced, silent, or permanent.
3. No child can give consent. Ever.
4. Remember, consent is all about clear communication and respect: Ask. Listen. Respect.
5. By debunking this myth, we can promote a culture of enthusiastic consent, where all individuals can engage in safe, consensual, and enjoyable sexual experiences.
6. To learn more about consent, visit Understanding sexual consent

There are still more harmful myths, but we hope you get the idea. For any man harmed by unwanted or abusive sexual experiences – and anyone who wants to support him – becoming free of these myths is necessary to overcoming the effects of the abuse, and to achieving the life he wants and deserves.

If you have experienced sexual violence (any unwanted sexual experiences) it is not your fault. Support is available. You can find a therapist who understands by visiting our Find a therapist page. Remember, it’s a sign of strength to seek help if you’re struggling.